More Than Our Eyes

I need go nowhere to explore the universe.
It is right here in every cell,
Every atom,
Each one able to create new worlds
Or destroy a billion.
To turn inside
Is to discover and discover and discover.
This thought tightens my lips,
That thought twists my belly,
And this thought lets me breathe,
Opens my eyes,
Reminds me the sun still shines behind the clouds,
Let's me fall madly in love with rain -
The rain which keeps me under the duvet,
Looking out, looking in;
Bliss and sorrow rolling over and over,
Both as poignant and meaningless as each other.
Life unfolds and dies, unfolds and is born
In every moment, choice, reflection and understanding,
When we see with more than our eyes.

November Skies

Clouds shape a body of rain
Which mindless winds push on and on.
Swollen and growing, blown and falling,
Here and gone, they are here and gone,
Yet endless in their supply.
 
The man is afraid of a storm which ne'er comes,
Lives under cold grey cotton wool,
A head of hurts and hurricanes.
Can never quite manage his full potential
Yet endlessly he will try.
 
The woman she weaves a quilt of tears,
Lost in the losses now past.
No one can quite match her insights or love,
Her dreams and hopes ruined too fast,
So endlessly she will cry.
 
Nothing just sits with no judgement, observing,
While Something takes life for a ride.
We learn, we hope not to late, life is love,
And from it we choose whether to hide,
As endless, we're born and we die.

The Marathon

I only signed up for a 5k.

At the starting line she told me it was 10 -

I wondered how I'd manage.

"Just go at your own pace: gently"

I heard myself think.

It became clear soon after that this was

A marathon.

People lined the path, cheering,

Encouraging us on in the strange dark light.

I had no shoes

But knew I couldn't go back for them.

I felt my feet on the solid ground -

They were soft and light.

People came and went:

I started with her,

He came for a short time,

Then there was you.

You showed me a different direction,

Away from the runners' path.

We climbed on ropes and pulleys;

I lifted myself ten feet in the air,

My soles and toes supporting me,

My hands doing what was needed.

I watched my body working

While I discovered and noticed.

It was a perpetual state of change and not knowing

And this never altered.

The Unbearable Gift

We pass unbearableness around like a football in a never-ending game;

Like the pair of socks no-one wanted for seven Christmases;

Like the filing tray full of things that no-one knows where to put.

Then the right words in the right moment and oh, God! My heavy bones are filled with it;

There is nowhere for it to be but here, now; in my chest;

Yet even while I gasp for air within its restriction, I see it is a gift,

And I hate the part of me which knows that;

Hate my expansive heart

For allowing me to feel this unbearable gift

Without self-pity;

For always bringing me back to

Love -
If I can receive it.

Gone (or There's nothing kind about Grief)

The loneliness seeps in.

Beginning as a mosquito bite -

An irritation to be brushed aside -

Then fledging into an infected

Sore: a chest burning,

Belly bloating, leg leadening

Weeping wound

That steals breath and

Hope alike.

Days are a daze

And minutes are minefields;

The wrong one sneaking up

To cut your legs away.

We are; We are not

We are suns:
Centres of our own universe
With other little worlds
Orbiting our radiance.

We are planets and moons,
Travelling,
Pulled by the gravity
Of a star too dense to resist.

We are trees:
Birds nest in our branches,
We bear fruit,
Live long, rooted lives.

We are drops in an ocean,
Sometimes riding high
On the crest of a wave,
Sometimes sinking into unmapped depths.

We are fleas
On an overpopulated dog,
Clinging on in spite of scratches and sprays,
Believing we have built the world.

We are God:
All is nothing,
And we are nothing something nothing;
One with all that never was.

The Long Goodbye

A deep sigh.
Tears escape through my breath.
I am slow,
Soft and sad.
Everything is changing
As it always does:
Another round of letting go,
Another new chapter.
Nothing is left -
All remains.
Knots undo themselves
Unwinding unwinding....
I long to feel
Fulfilling growing
But lose the emptiness instead.
I ache to be alone
And cannot bear it.