The Yes No Yes

All the resistance I can muster
Drags me through hot tar.
Suddenly pen on page
Is not just last on the list,
Not just for pleasure as and when,
But a dreaded
COMMITMENT!

My hand writes who knows what:
My brain has gone on holiday,
Destination anywhere but where
I said I will go.
Terror of expectations
From dead weight compliments
That say I must also
Be great tomorrow.
Terror of failure
Brings plans B, C and D
With a bucket of
Reasonable excuses.

This terror is mostly of success:
For who knows who
This decision
Will lead me to be?